


It started off innocent, but now look where we are. (I wouldn’t have it any other way)

by everythingisgay



Category: BLACKPINK (Band)
Genre: Asexuality, Bisexuality, Cuddles, F/F, Feelings, Fluff, Gay, I Can't choose a ship so this happened, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, It's Soft, Jennie is kinda done with everyone's shit and needs a nap, Mental Health Issues, Multi, Nightmares, OT4, Other, Polyamory, Sad with a Happy Ending, Who is the REAL maknae?, kinda angsty? idk it's gay, mentions of Lesbian Jesus aka Hayley Kiyoko cause is it really gay without mentioning her?, poly blackpink, pretty gay, some weird magic thing idk how to explain
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-07-07
Updated: 2019-04-23
Packaged: 2019-06-06 17:48:57
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 14,615
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15200159
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/everythingisgay/pseuds/everythingisgay
Summary: They all know how they feel. It isn’t hard to tell. Except there’s something holding each girl back. The comeback, Chaeyoung’s worsening nightmares, Lisa in general. And Jennie? Well, they have no clue about her.As a group, they’ve been well attuned to each other for a long time. Comfort came from just standing beside each other, or by doing the simplest things for each other. Like Lisa making breakfast, even if it is a little burnt, because she knows Jennie stayed up late with Chaeyoung and her nightmares. When Jisoo helps Lisa with her Korean. Or when Chaeyoung helps Jisoo with the English words in their song. Subtle things like that, when all put together, are what made each girl fall for the other.They’re trying their best, but what they didn’t expect is one day off to change everything.





	1. Chapter 1: Morning Warmth

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this when i had no wifi and i was really bored. i'm not sure how long it will be...but i do have four chapters written already! i've never posted on archive of our own before so i don't really know what i'm doing so please bare with me. 
> 
> follow my twitter @godjihyoee

When Lisa woke up from her slumber, it was to the feeling of someone’s presence beside her. Or well, around her. It was common for one of the girls to wake up in the middle of the night and get into someone else’s bed. It was a comfort thing. They all had become particularly affectionate around each other as time went on. You would often see Lisa and Chaeyoung on the couch, all cuddled up watching a movie. Or maybe Jisoo and Jennie would be in the kitchen cooking dinner, giving each other light contact. For example, when Jisoo would get something right, Jennie would give her best-friends forearm a quick squeeze and a loving smile. Jisoo would return the sentiment by hugging Jennie before setting the food on the table for the Maknae’s.

This morning, Lisa had woken up to Jisoo cuddling into her. This wasn’t a surprise, it had been occurring often. Be it Lisa staying with Jisoo if she fell asleep on the couch in the living room, or Jisoo keeping Lisa company when Chae and Jennie were off doing their gay bonding. Usually for Jisoo and Lisa that meant watching a movie, falling asleep and only being woken up a few hours later by Chae or Jennie. It was all circumstantial. It could be anyone cuddling with anyone. Sometimes it helped when one of the girls was homesick and missed their family. 

Lisa moved a bit, nuzzling her nose into Jisoo’s shoulder softly, tightening her hold on Jisoo. She hid her smile there, not being able to hold it in when the feelings bubbled in her stomach, making her all fuzzy and happy with emotions. Jisoo was one of the best people to cuddle with, she was all soft edges and loving touches. Jennie, who although was a little more brash but was a soft baby with her gummy smile and laugh, would cuddle into the Maknae, keeping a tight hold on her waist and giggle lightly when she felt the ticklish movement of Lisa’s finger caressing her forearm slowly, both calming and making Lisa’s Unnie all childish. The duality of Jennie Kim was something Lisa both loved and couldn’t get over.

Jisoo woke up to the feeling of breathing on her neck and smiled lightly, remembering getting into Lisa’s bed after waking up alone. She moved her head, causing Lisa to move as well. Their eyes met and they both shared a quick smile, allowing the mood to take them over, basking in the peaceful feeling that was surrounding them, making time feel like it didn’t exist. 

“What time is it?” Lisa whispered, moving her hands from Jisoo’s waist. The eldest whined, grabbing the Maknae’s hands and pulling her close, making Lisa giggle as she tried to ignore the flutter of her heart at the cuteness of how Jisoo’s nose scrunched up, eyes turning into crescent moons.

“Choo Unnie!” Lisa laughed into Jisoo’s ear, making the latter giggle quietly. 

“Sleep, please.” Jisoo mumbled tiredly. 

Lisa sighed, before pulling away to check the time on her phone. 9 AM blinked on the phone screen for a moment. It was early enough, Lisa hummed in realization, turning back around to greet the dark-haired girl with a smile, which she happily returned.

“it’s nine, we should probably wake the others up and make breakfast.” Lisa whispered, trying to keep the mood calm. But at the mention of food Jisoo was ready to get up. 

“Food!” She grinned excitedly, pulling the covers off the two instantly, ready to go. Lisa let out a loud laugh, cursing herself for mentioning food to her Unnie. 

Lisa, however, followed Jisoo, standing up and stretching, feeling much better when her back cracked. She could see Jisoo cringe at the sound of the crack, but none the less she kept her content smile. 

“Right, you go and get Rosie and I’ll get Jennie?” Jisoo suggested, having waited until Lisa had stopped her morning stretches. Lisa nodded happily, before pausing and looking Jisoo in the eye. 

“We are not, and I repeat, NOT, having chicken for breakfast.”

Jisoo pouted in protest, and Lisa chuckled in return. 

“Try that pout on Jennie and see what happens then.” Lisa teased, laughing at the reaction it received from Jisoo. Asking Jennie for chicken in the morning was like asking YG to give them rules that weren’t sexist. The point was, you don’t annoy Jennie in the morning. The morning was when Jennie was at her toughest, scowling at her co-members as she attempted to guzzle down a cup of coffee. 

Lisa grinned, walking around the bed to grab Jisoo’s hand and pull her out of the bedroom, eager to get the day started. Jisoo pouted when Lisa let go of her hand, missing the contact. 

“See you in a few?” Lisa sked rhetorically, pecking Jisoo before turning around to head for Chae’s room, humming along to their new song as she walked. 

She paused after a few seconds once she had realised what she had done. 

Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, motherfucking shit. She did the gay thing. 

She turned around in a hurry, catching up with Jisoo and pulling her arm to turn her around so she was facing the maknae. 

“Choo Unnie, I’m sorry I- “Lisa began, only to be interrupted by the feeling of Jisoo’s lips against the side of her lip, just barely grazing them. A physical sign of reassurance. The feeling made her blush, her lips turning into a soft smile as her cheeks became redder. Lisa giggled quietly, seeing the same red tint on Jisoo’s cheek’s. 

“It’s fine, Limario.” Jisoo responded, giving the youngest a soft smile, before turning to go to Jennie’s room. 

Lisa paused for a moment in shock, before following Jisoo and turning around and going to wake Rosé up. 

\-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“why are you blushing?” Chaeyoung asked, startling Lisa who was turned around attempting to close Rosie’s door quietly, hoping not to wake her up. 

“Shit, Rosé! I thought you were asleep!” Lisa yelped, holding a hand to her heart when she turned around. 

“I’m awake, as you can see.” Chaeyoung smirked, “Why are you blushing?” 

Lisa blushed harder, “it doesn’t matter,” she waved it off dismissively as she walked over to lie beside Chaeyoung on her bed. “how’d you sleep?” Lisa asked, turning her head to see what Chae was looking at on her laptop. 

“Pretty good” She hummed. “Jendeuk Unnie fell asleep with me watching a movie so she’s probably exhausted.” 

Lisa frowned “yeah, I saw the nightmare...” she replied, concerned. She closed the laptop so Chaeyoung would actually look at her.

Chaeyoung sighed quietly, “it was just another nightmare, no big deal.”

Lisa’s frown grew deeper, pulling her fellow maknae into her body, “Chaeng, I saw it, I was there. It wasn’t ‘just another nightmare.’” she said softly, feeling the way Chaeyoung’s shoulders heaved up and down. 

“If we’re gonna talk about anything, why not your dreams, huh?” Rosie snapped. “this is a two-way street, Limario. And your dreams are just as bad.” 

Lisa sighed, she didn’t take Chaeyoung’s anger personally, she never really could. “Chaeng, they’re nothing I can’t handle.” She insisted. 

“No, you can’t! you’re always here for me, waking up from one of my nightmares and running to my room to help me. But then, god, when YOU have a nightmare about- “Rosie pushed herself off of Lisa and stood up, fuming.

Feeling that it had gotten too far, Lisa scrambled to shush Chaeyoung. “Please, don’t say it.” She begged, her lips trembling. She gripped onto Rosie’s arm tightly, the other one covering her mouth. Her panic was there, and she was floating through the conversation, holding down the thoughts until Rosé just had to bring it up.

In a flash, Chaeyoung was pushing Lisa to sit on the bed and attempting to calm down Lisa who was breathing erratically and gasping for air. “Lisa, listen to me. Can you hear me?” 

The voice was foggy as Lisa tried to slow down her breathing but nodded in reply. 

“Okay, good.” Rosie breathed out. “Do you wanna sit somewhere else? You don’t need to talk. Just shake or nod your head.” 

Lisa shook her head promptly. 

“Is it okay for me to take hold of your hands?” 

Another nod. 

Chaeyoung moved so she had her knees on the grand and gripped onto Lisa’s hands. “Lisa this isn’t going to last forever. I’m right here, okay? It will stop, even if you feel like it isn’t.” 

Chaeyoung bit her lip, trying to come up with ways to calm Lisa down. “Lisa why’s yellow your favourite colour?” 

“it was- “Lisa gasped, “t-the colour of…. the walls i-in the room I m-met you guys……Really pretty.” 

Chaeyoung nodded, “really pretty? The girls or the colour?” She teased. 

“Both” Lisa mumbled sheepishly.  
“Why do you and Jisoo call Jennie Unnie and I going out ‘gay bonding’?”

“cause you’re gay a-as fuck and always bond over s-s-omething. S-saps.” 

Chaeyoung giggled. Of course, that was why.

“You smell really pretty.” Lisa mumbled, moving forward to cuddle into Chaeyoung’s chest.

“yeah?” Rosie asked. “what else can you smell?” 

Lisa shook her head, “I can’t concentrate when you’re here.”

“is that a bad thing?” Chaeng asked, trying to ignore the flutter in her chest. 

“No.” Lisa said, “I can also hear your heartbeat.”

Chaeyoung hummed, letting silence take over as Lisa’s breathing slowed down. She about to open mouth to say something when Lisa mumbled something else. “What?”

Lisa looked up at her, a playful glint in her, “You’re so gay.” 

Chaeyoung laughed loudly, “Excuse me! I’m so bisexual, thank you.”

“yeah, still.” Lisa rolled her eyes, “you always go into gay panic. It’s great.”

“Says the Confident Gay of Blackpink, Lalisa Manoban.” Chaeyoung teases in return. 

“you got me there,” Lisa gave in quickly, “but can you blame me? We were cut off from boys for all our years of training. Which for a raging gay is pretty good. For the poor heterosexuals, however…” Lisa trailed off, a mock frown on her face. 

“We could send them get well soon cards?” Chaeyoung offered, loving this side of Lisa. 

“Nah,” Lisa shook her head, “too expensive. We just have to convert them all… we already did with our partition dance cover.” 

Chaeyoung shifted awkwardly at the memory of the dance. It wasn’t the dance itself, she loved dancing. She breathed for performances, but it was how people around her had reacted to the dance. Obviously, it was pretty sexual. But…what people had said to her made goose bumps appear on arms. 

“Hey,” Lisa whispered, getting Chaeyoung’s attention. “I’m sorry for bringing that up, I know how uncomfortable it makes you feel.” 

Rosé shook her head, “Thank you, Lise. But you’re right, we did get a lot of ‘holy shit I’m gay’ comments after the video was released.” 

 

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 

 

“Jendeukie, Jendeukie.” Jisoo whispered, shaking the girl to try and get her to wake up. 

“Jennie.” Jisoo whined, watching as the girl in question groaned and rolled away, swatting Jisoo away with her hand. 

Jisoo huffed before deciding to just get into bed beside her girlfriend. She slid her hand around Jennie’s waist, pulling her close to her with a smile. 

Jennie rolled back around, effectively pushing her girlfriend away. “the fuck did you do?” she growled, looking down at Jisoo. 

“What the fuck do you mean?” Jisoo said back, glaring at the younger girl. 

“Oh, no.” Jennie sighed, flopping back onto the bed. "That's your 'oh, shit.' voice."

“I have different voices?” Jisoo asked. 

“Sometimes. it depends, honestly. But you know...” Jennie trailed off, placing a soft kiss on Jisoo’s neck. Then another on her jawline and another on her cheek before placing one on her girlfriend’s lips.

Jisoo mumbled a curse word, which one, Jennie couldn’t catch. However, she had no time to figure it out as Jisoo rolled herself on top of Jennie.

“We don’t have enough time to continue this but I’m just gonna….” Jisoo started, before leaning into kiss Jennie on the lips again. Jennie’s hands fumbled before wrapping her arms around Jisoo’s neck. She pulled away, nuzzling her head into Jisoo’s neck. 

“I love you.” She mumbled, placing another soft kiss there before letting Jisoo roll back off her and lie next to her. 

“I love you, too.” Jisoo replied, smiling. “But…”

“Oh, god. Now I’m being serious. What did you do?” Jennie laughed, covering her face with her arms.

“Shut up!” Jisoo said, slapping Jennie lightly. “you know what we talked about?”

“What?” Jennie mumbled. “Oh, right, yeah. About Lisa and Chae” She said.

“yeah, well. I know we decided to talk to them together, when we thought the time was right.” 

“okay…?” Jennie replied, leaning into Jisoo and pulling her close. 

“last night I woke up feeling, well, you know, but you were with Chae, so I went into Lisa’s and when we got up this morning she… I think she did it without thinking, maybe it came naturally,” the eldest shrugged her shoulders, “but she kissed me, it was a peck, nothing else. But then when she realized I reassured her that it was okay. We didn’t… didn’t talk about it, though.” Jisoo admitted, feeling Jennie’s grip on her loosen slightly at the end of her confession.

“Oh,” Jennie sighed turning on the light, so she could look Jisoo in the eye “well, we expected this, didn’t we? We were waiting to talk to them about this. We just- “she paused, fumbling for the correct words “- we didn’t think this in particular was going to happen you know? It’s your choice to see where things go with Limario, but just… keep me posted? I wouldn’t mind if…” Jisoo heard the hope in her girlfriends’ voice, and nodded, knowing what Jennie was going to say.

“Thank you, Manduk.” Jisoo murmured, cuddling her head into Jennie’s neck for a few moments. “I guess we’ll see what happens. And of course, I’ll keep you posted.” she soothed Jennie, pulling the younger girl closer, placing a kiss on her ear. 

Jennie hummed with the sensation of Jisoo’s lips on her skin, and followed Jisoo’s actions by tightening her hold on her Unnie’s waist. “And about that, how did you feel? and did Lisa notice anything?” 

“I’m pretty sure Lisa knows. I haven’t told her, but you know Lisa. And Rosie,” Jisoo pauses, scrunching her nose up before shrugging her shoulders. “I don’t think Chaeyoung knows, but I guess she’ll find out soon enough.”

Jennie hummed, nodding at the information. “I wouldn’t put it past Lisa to know,” Jennie agrees. “whenever you wanna tell them, I’ll be sitting right by your side… If you want me there.” Jennie adds quickly to the end, fumbling over her words slightly. Jisoo smiles against Jennie softly, thanking the younger girl by squeezing one of her hands. 

“Where else would you be?”


	2. Chapter 2: Timing and Talking

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chaeyoung and Jennie talk. theres some lesbian activity (like always).

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> follow me at @godjihyoee on twitter!!!

Breakfast went smoothly, Jisoo and Jennie fought over if they could have chicken for breakfast. Jisoo even went as far as pulling out her aegyo, which did weaken Jennie, nearly persuading her until Lisa and Chae started yelling about how they would cause a riot If they had to eat chicken for any meal other than dinner. Jennie relented, not wanting to disappoint her other members and instead made a compromise with Jisoo. They’d have chicken for either dinner or lunch, whichever they all preferred. 

“But not both.” Jennie warned, glaring at Jisoo who was clapping excitedly. 

Jisoo pouted, before caving with a sigh, knowing getting some chicken was better than none. 

Lisa and Chaeyoung shared a look, one that said _holy shit they’re so cute,_ and smiled contently at another. It was brief, and Jennie would have missed it if she wasn’t trying to not give in to Jisoo’s pleading eyes and secretly give her some chicken on the sly. 

“Chae?!” Jennie called out, catching the girls attention. She smiled at her Unnie, waiting to hear what Jennie was going to say. 

“Right,” Jennie said, clearing her throat and taking her eyes off Rosie lest she get distracted again. “could you help me with breakfast?” she asked, pushing Jisoo towards the Maknae, hoping her spirits would lift after spending some time with the youngest.

“Of course!” Chaeyoung said, excitedly. Because, well, admittedly, cooking with Jennie was always fun. Jennie may be serious sometimes, but she was always fun in the kitchen. She may not throw flour at you and start a food fight, but she would tease you, and if you fucked up she would laugh and pull you in for a hug. 

Rosie walked with a bounce in her step to the kitchen, leaving Lisa sitting on the couch by herself, pouting. But before she could get too upset, Jisoo skipped over to Lisa and sat by her side, cuddling briefly into the Maknae and whispering something in her ear that made her smile widely, pout gone by now. Jisoo moved her head to lean on Lisa’s shoulder, and Lisa manoeuvred to accommodate for Jisoo by throwing her arm over the couch, pulling her Unnie closer. Both closed their eyes, sitting silently in comfort. 

Chaeyoung nudged Jennie in the side to get her attention and nodded her head towards the two girls on the couch. Jennie chuckled, seeing the two quiet and not yelling at each other was rare and they enjoyed the temporary silence.

“So, what are we making?” Chaeyoung asked, leaning on the kitchen counter to look at Jennie. 

“I don’t know,” Jennie shrugged, “what would you like?” she asked, moving to the fridge, Rosé following her a few steps behind. 

Chaeyoung hummed, grazing her eyes over the contents of the fridge briefly, before moving her sights to Jennie. Who too was looking in the fridge for ideas. Her eyes grazed over Jennie’s subtle jawline, and onto her cheeks, where her dimple was showing, proving that Jennie was, in fact, smiling. Chaeyoung blushed, only one thought going through her head. _Holy shit I’m so in love. I’m WEAK._ Turning her eyes away, she once again looked in the fridge. 

“We have the day off, we could just have some fruit and cereal for breakfast?” She proposed, and Jennie nodded in agreement. 

“Sounds good, I’ll take out the strawberries and stuff, you go grab the bananas and apples.” Jennie said, already having grabbed the punnet of strawberries in the fridge.

Chaeyoung looked at her for a moment, because damn, she forgot how cute Jenn- 

“Shoo, shoo, bitch.” Jennie said, waving a hand for her band-mate to move. 

Never mind, Chaeyoung thought, before bursting out into laughter. 

\-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

Having a day off was boring sometimes. They usually didn’t have anything to do, but today they all had a list of errands to run and were eager to get them done so they could get back to the dorms and relax. Maybe watch a movie, cuddle and talk. They rarely got days off as a group, maybe Jisoo and Chaeyoung would have the day off, but Jennie would have a photoshoot, or Lisa would have extra dance classes to work out some of the choreography. 

Lisa frowned briefly, “are you and Jennie sure you don’t want to get some extra sleep? You guys have a day off soon and you can finish whatever things Jisoo Unnie and I couldn’t finish then.”

Chaeyoung and Jennie smiled softly at the thoughtfulness coming from the Maknae but shook their heads. 

“No, it’s okay. Besides the quicker we get them done, the more time we have to just relax later.” Jennie reassured Lisa before taking a bite out of her apple. 

“We’ve been busy a lot lately, especially with the comeback coming up. We might as well get some little things done so we can kick back and do nothing for a while.” Jisoo reassured Lisa, putting a hand on the girls back and rubbing it to soothe her. Right now, she couldn’t do anything but act like the leader, even if she wasn’t the official one. She had always felt a little extra pressure being the eldest in the group. 

“Okay,” Lisa agreed hesitantly, a faint blush on her cheek, “But if you guys feel like you’re too tired, don’t hesitate to text me - “ 

“- or me” Jisoo interrupted with a nod.

“Or Chichu Unnie and we’ll try and do as much before heading back.” Lisa explained, trying her best to act more responsible. She worried for Jennie and Chaeyoung- especially Chaeyoung, who couldn’t seem to shake off the nightmares. Lisa worried for her bandmates, she loved them too much to want to see them struggling and watch from the side-lines. It wasn’t in her nature to not help when people she cared about got hurt.

Both girls in question nodded mutely, knowing it was better to listen to the youngest rather than to worry her to death. If this appeased to her, then they would listen. Even as the (admittedly childish) Maknae, she could still fill the role of responsible adult when she needed to. Especially in this business when it felt like no one would look after you but yourself. 

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“Do you want to talk about it?” Jennie asked Chaeyoung, who was walking in the same direction as her to start their errands run. 

Chaeyoung paused for a second, and her eyes flickered before she swallowed. “N-Not yet, I don’t think so.” She mumbled nervously, absentmindedly pulling her bag closing to her and fiddling with the strap. 

Jennie nodded in understanding, not wanting to push the younger girl into anything. No matter how worried she was, Jennie knew Rosie was smart enough to talk about it sooner or later. She’d try to figure it out alone the best she could, but in the end, she’d know it wasn’t working and decide it best to go to someone. 

“Of course, take your time.” she responded sincerely. Although Jennie had a feeling of what it would be about but decided it would be best to not bring it up until Chaeyoung did. Or if it did get out of hand, not that Jennie thinks it will, she may say something. Anything. She hated seeing the girl she loved to purely hurt like this. She didn’t like seeing the hollowness in her eyes when she woke up, or the frown when she was deep in thought. 

“Can I ask you something?” Rosie asked nervously, hand still fumbling with the bag strap. 

“Of course, you can.” Jennie hummed, not thinking much of Chae’s nerves. 

“I-is Jisoo okay? Is she sick or anything? Have you guys…” Chaeyoung trailed off, her thoughts going hyper as she was unable to form them into words. 

“Have we what?” Jennie asked tentatively, watching Rosé’s every move carefully. 

“It’s nothing,” Chae waves it off. “but is Jisoo okay? She’s been a little…off maybe? For a while, especially with the Comeback.” 

“I- “Jennie clears her throat again, “I don’t think I’m at liberty to say anything, I’m sorry. But if you really want to know, ask Jisoo herself. She may tell you. She’s been…. off for a while. Like you said, the comeback and wanting to make blinks happy has made her nervous lately.”

Jennie didn’t want to think about how much it hurt to have to watch over Jisoo because she was nervous or stressed. It hurt to know her girlfriend was so pushing herself so much she forgot to breathe. Jisoo herself had been practising her dancing as much as possible, adamant on getting it right all the time. Jennie remembered the one night when she was waiting up for Jisoo to get home she got a call from her girlfriend.

_Jennie’s ring tone went off late that evening, the song echoing loudly off her bedroom walls. She scrambled towards it and didn’t bother checking the name. she knew it was Jisoo just by the ringtone: twinkle-twinkle little star._

__

_On the other side, Jennie could hear the girl's sniffles._

__

_“Jendeukie.” Jisoo had gasped through a sob, and with hearing just that one word, her name, she threw her duvet off her and scrambled for her shoes._

__

_“Hang on, babe. Just hold on, please?” Jennie had said into the phone, attempting to put as much affection into her voice, wanting to try and soothe her girlfriend._

__

_“I’ so-sorry” Jisoo hiccupped, “I’ll try better- I- “_

__

_“Oh, baby,” Jennie sighed, grabbing the family car keys in the kitchen bowl that also held the house keys for each girl. Technically, the girls weren’t supposed to drive, weren’t even supposed to know how to drive, but their managers had helped them out and taught them what they needed to know. The car was small and a short walk away from the dorms. What YG didn’t know wouldn’t hurt them. Besides, the girls trusted their other managers, who understood how out of control they must feel and would do whatever they could to protect the girls. “No, don’t apologize. I love you so much.” She said softly._

__

_The walk may have been short enough, but Jennie knew if she ran she could get to the car in a minute at most._

__

_Just as she was about to unlock the door to the dorm, she felt a hand grab her elbow and pull her back. This was not the time for something-_

__

_“Jennie Unnie, what’s wrong?” it was Lisa, who’s hair was a mess, clothes rumpled as she stared at her Unnie with concerned eyes._

__

_Her eyes widened once she heard a short cry from the other side of Jennie’s phone. She took a step back from Jennie, letting go of her arm in surprise. “Is that Jisoo Unnie?” she asked, her voice trembling._

__

_Jennie sighed, “Yeah, Lise, it is. I have to go, she’s-” Jennie cleared her throat, “look, I’d love to explain but I really need to get her.”_

__

_Jennie must have sounded desperate, because Lisa nodded silently, and opened the door for Jennie. Jennie knew Lisa had watched her sprint down the street, watching her disappear._

Chaeyoung interrupted her thoughts. “Look, I know Lisa knows something, and obviously so do you, and I don’t like-“ her voice cracked slightly, tears beginning to well up. “I don’t like being kept out of the loop, you know? If something is wrong with Jisoo, I want to know so I can help. Because I love her, too.” 

Jennie’s heart tremored for two reasons. The first being the confession Chae had given her Unnie, the second being how hurt Rosie sounded by not knowing. 

“Rosie,” Jennie swallowed, grabbing the younger girls hand and squeezing it. “I genuinely wish I could tell you, I do. But this is for Jisoo to talk and tell you about. And yes, I think Lisa knows something, she doesn’t know everything, but I think she has gathered some information.” Jennie admitted, offering the girl beside her another squeeze and a kind smile. 

Chaeyoung nodded mutely, her lips pressed into an even line as she thought. “okay,” she agreed quietly.


	3. Chapter 3: Loving and Learning

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> kind of a filler chapter. jennie and lisa talk to each other as Chaeyoung opens up to Jisoo about how she's feeling. Tons of emotions so if thats not your cup of tea then well....how did you get this far?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is pretty much a filler chapter leading up to chapter 4 which will be pretty important if i do say so myself. i'm trying to point out how important communication, honesty and acceptance is in a relationship. and even more especially in a poly relationship. it's also important in a band in general, which is essentially a friendship group with a fuckton of pressures to be perfect and pretty and a ton of bullshit nobody deserves!!!
> 
> follow my twitter @godjihyoee

“Can we talk?” Chaeyoung asked, walking into Jisoo’s after knocking and getting a “Come in” yelled back to her. 

Jisoo looked up from her phone which was in her hands, a goofy smile on her face as she looked at her best-friend. Chaeyoung was as beautiful as ever, Jisoo noted quietly as she watched the younger girl take a seat at the foot of her bed as she fidgeted nervously with the ring on her necklace. The Ring, it was the same as the ones Jennie and Jisoo had made together, except the two eldest had gone back another day after deciding to make ones for each member. Instead of ‘JJ’, the girls had decided to engrave ‘BP’ onto it with a heart just after the letters on each side. When they presented the rings to the Maknae’s they had jumped up and hugged the other two in gratitude. They put the rings on and had rarely ever taken them off since. Unfortunately, after fans had noticed the rings, YG had personally demanded they not wear them. The girls compromised. Instead they would put them on a necklace. Jisoo and Jennie had two around the other ones they made together on their necklace, too.

Jisoo’s heart fluttered at the sight of the necklace on Chaeyoung. 

“Of course, we can talk, Chae.” Jisoo nodded, trying to hide the blush on her cheeks. She motioned for Chaeyoung to move from he end of the bed to beside her, hoping to ease the younger girl’s nerves. 

Once Chaeyoung had settled beside her Unnie, she sighed. “I just have been noticing some things, Unnie. I went to Jennie earlier, but she insisted I come to you. And well... I’m just worried about you is all and want to know if there’s anything I can do to help…” Chae trailed off, her face scrunching up as she took a breath from her rambling. 

Jisoo stayed silent for a moment, her eyes watching Chaeyoung’s movements. “that’s not it all, though. There’s another few things bothering you, I can tell. You can say them here, it’s a safe place, Rosie.” 

Chaeyoung huffed, briefly wishing she was as good as her best friends at masking her emotions. “I know Lisa knows something, and clearly so does Jennie. I said this to Jendeukie, but I just don’t like being left out of something that seems to be bothering you so much.” Chaeyoung replied softly, turning her body so she was looking at Jisoo’s side profile. 

Jisoo hummed, debating Rosie’s words. She wanted to make sure what she said eased the younger girls mind. 

“You’re right,” Jisoo began, “Jennie and Lisa know something- Well, Jennie knows everything. Lisa, however, only knows what she is trying to put together. Which is something, but not a lot. Pasta, I need you to know it was never my intention to make you feel left out or hurt, I love you too much to ever do that consciously. I can’t tell you what’s going on yet, and I’m sorry. Jennie and I are waiting for the right moment and right now isn’t. Especially with how stressed we’ve all been lately.”

Both girls were silent. Jisoo was waiting for Chaeyoung to say something, anything. She was hoping what she had said would help ease the girl’s mind until herself and Jennie could sit the girls down and talk about it properly. 

“Okay, I get it.” Rosie relented, “I understand how important it is to wait until you’re ready to tell people something important.”

Jisoo paused her hands in Chaeyoung’s hair for a second. “You know, I can tell you’re hiding something, too. And if you want to talk to me I’ll listen.” She offered. 

Another silence, Jisoo noted. It was now the eldest wished she could put some music on to drown out the heavy silences that made her feel like she was drowning. 

“I – “Chae fumbled a little before sitting up and grabbing the ring on her neck again. “if I tell you, can you promise not to tell anyone?” She whispered, her eyes downcast, trying to not look at Jisoo. 

Jisoo nodded eagerly, clasping her hands over Chaeyoung’s free one. “Of course, love.”

Chaeyoung blushed at the word, _love,_ as it echoed in her mind as she tried to gather her sentence’s, so they could make sense. 

“I know you and the girls have been noticing that my nightmares are getting worse.” Chaeyoung began, and Jisoo nodded in agreement. “Well, lately they’ve been really weighing me down. They’re always been about the same thing, and each time I go to bed the nightmare is more intense and it scares me just a little more. It’s not monsters or anything, which to be honest sound so much easier to cope with than this.” She let out a dry laugh, because any other time of her life she wouldn’t even like those in her dreams. 

She looked up at Jisoo, who was giving her an encouraging smile. “And well, lately, since I’ve realized- “she began to blush, knowing what she was going to say next. “since I’ve realized how I felt about the three of you guys, I’ve also noticed something else…” she trailed off, not daring to look at her bandmate. 

Her heartbeat was deafening, and she tried her best to ignore it, but as she felt Jisoo gently take her chin in her hand make her look at her, all she could see in Jisoo’s eyes, the eyes that she’s looked in a billion times before, and like always, all she could see was love and acceptance. 

“Ever since,” Rosie coughed, “ _that_ , I’ve been wondering why I can never seem to- seem to uhm, to uhm, become attracted to you guys in a… in a sexual way.” She winced at how awkward she sounded in the moment with her stumbling over her words. “And I’ve been doing my research, trying to find out I can figure out what’s wrong with- “ 

“There is absolutely nothing wrong with you or how you feel.” Jisoo interrupted the younger girl.

“Right, okay.” Rosie mumbled, sounding like she didn’t believe her Unnie. 

“No, I mean it. How you’re feeling is okay, a lot of people feel that way. I can’t say I do, but I know other people do. And I’m assuming your research was about Asexuality?” Jisoo guessed, pulling the younger girl into her chest as she felt her nod. 

“Okay,” Jisoo breathed out, “I know a little bit about this. Not enough but I’m going to help you as much as I can. There is nothing to fix, okay? You, Chae, are perfect just the way you are, and not feeling attracted to people sexually is one hundred percent okay. But tell me in what ways you don’t feel attracted to people sexually and everything else about this because one of the main things I read was to ask your partner about it, to know their limits with sexuality as to not make them feel pressured or uncomfortable.”

“I don’t know.” Rosie cried, hugging Jisoo tightly, “I can’t tell because I’m trying to make it go away. I’m so stupid. I don’t want to feel like this. Why can’t I just be _normal?_ ” 

“Normal isn’t what you want,” Jisoo shook her head, “You are not normal, you are Chaeng. Our Chaeng, _My Pasta._ ”

Chaeyoung shuddered before her crying died down.

“How about we do some research together?” Jisoo offered, brushing Rosie’s hair with her hand. “I have a feeling you got too overwhelmed when you did your own and stopped. We can look at stuff together and when you do get overwhelmed, tell me and we can stop, okay?” 

Jisoo pulled away from Rosie, wiping the girls tears delicately, her heart breaking at the little sniffles Chaeyoung was making. Once the tears had dried and Rosé had time to calm down, she nodded. “okay, we can look at some stuff. Where, though?” 

Jisoo smirked, she knew the perfect places to search. “First, we go online regularly and just start simple. Type in the word ‘asexual’. I don’t know if you know this, love, but you can be grey-asexual, too. Which we can also look at. If we have time, or you feel like you can look, we’ll check out the land of the gays, a.k.a Tumblr. It may be a little hard to find information there because there are a lot of different opinions.” 

Chaeyoung took a deep breath before nodding once again. 

“okay, let’s start, yeah?” Jisoo asked, grabbing her laptop from her bedside locker and opening it up. 

\---------------------------------------------------------- 

 

“Lalisa! Where the fuck are you?!” Jennie yelled, exasperated, as she looked in Lisa’s bedroom for the Maknae. Usually the Maknae was in there playing with Leo or cuddling with someone. 

“Unnie! I’m grabbing some food for Leo!” She heard Lisa yell back faintly. Jennie nodded, knowing that Lisa was in the pantry and walking there in a hurry. She didn’t just want to talk to Lisa, she had to, for the sake of her sanity as well as Lisa’s. 

Because Jennie saw Chaeyoung go into Jisoo’s room, she assumed they must be talking and decided it would be the best time to talk to Lisa. She didn’t know what they were talking about seeing as Jennie knew Jisoo wouldn’t tell Rosie yet. However, she did hope that maybe Rosie was talking to Jisoo about her nightmares.

“So, you and Jisoo.” Jennie said simply, crossing her arms as she leaned her body on the door frame. She tried her best to look scary, but she knew it didn’t really work with her height. 

It took a second for Lisa to register what Jennie had said, but once she did her hand slipped and the bag of cat food spilled over the ground, her hands shaking as she dropped to her knees and mumbled a “shit.”

“W-what about Jisoo Unnie and I?” Lisa stuttered, keeping her eyes on the ground as she began to pick up some of the cat food one piece at a time. 

“Hang on.” Jennie mumbled before exiting to grab a dustpan and brush. When she returned, she handed it to Lisa who barely looked at the elder girl in case her nerves got the best of her. 

“Thank you.” she mumbled gratefully and began to sweep up the food quickly. 

Jennie sighed, not knowing how to go about it. She wasn’t expecting Lisa to be so timid or nervous about the subject. She should’ve guessed it, though. Lisa may be confident and hold herself well, but this was new. Relationships were new. 

“Hey,” she chose to start with, “stop for a second. I’m sorry if I startled you.” 

Lisa’s movements paused before she put down the dustpan and stood up, turning to face Jennie and looking her in the eye. “Well, let’s go sit down seeing as this seems like an important chat.” 

Jennie was taken back by the subtle bite in Lisa’s words but decided to leave it seeing as the younger girl seemed slightly rattled. She should’ve gone in with kinder words. Sometimes she forgets that because Lisa was so young becoming a trainee, that she probably didn’t have a lot of experience in the relationship department. 

Once they had sat down, Jennie apologized again. “I’m sorry.” 

Lisa looked up from the ground, a confused expression on her face, “What for?”

“You seemed rattled and I feel bad for causing that and I should’ve gone about this better.” 

Lisa nodded and sighed, “Jendeukie, there’s nothing to apologize for. If you’re thinking I’m afraid of how I feel about Jisoo or even-“ she interrupted herself, starting a new sentence abruptly. “I’m not. I’ve known I how I felt about all-” she paused again before huffing out a “shit.”

Across from her Jennie couldn’t help but begin to laugh because Lisa was just so terrible at hiding things. It had always been this way. There was one time when Jennie and Chaeyoung had returned from their “gay bonding” as the two other girls had kindly called it, and the could smell something…burnt. They went to find the fake and real Maknae, who when woken up, Lisa spilled everything within a matter of minutes. And okay, it may also have had to do with Jennie’s glare, which to this day, Lisa still defended herself by saying, “Have you ever seen someone as small as Jennie glaring?? It’s scary as fuck!”

“Yah!” Lisa whined, “don’t laugh when I’m trying to explain something!”

“I’m sorry, babe.” Jennie explained, closing her mouth abruptly at the slip in words. 

“Now who slipped up?” Lisa smirked victoriously, making the elder girl chuckle. 

“I do think it would be good to talk about it,” Jennie began, “because I know how it may feel to not know what is happening. It’s confusing and overwhelming because you don’t know what you can and can’t say or what’s appropriate when it comes to affection. I know you didn’t talk to Chae because of her nightmares, so you can talk to me now, if you want.” 

“I-” Lisa paused. “What happened that made you feel that way?” 

“it doesn’t matter right now.” Jennie dismissed it before leaning forward and looking Lisa in the eye, “you can talk about it.” 

“we all know we’re in love with each other.” Lisa blurts out before slapping a hand over her mouth. Jennie sat back in shock, not expecting Lisa to be so blunt. 

“We do.” Jennie agreed, once she had regained her composure.

“Well, it’s just that… when I kissed Jisoo this morning it was incredible and even though it probably wasn’t the smartest thing to do, I don’t regret it. But I dunno,” Lisa shrugged, biting her lip. “It kinda feels like I’m cheating on you and Chae. I mean, I know we haven’t talk about it or anything, but we know, which is something. I’ve known how I’ve felt about you all for a long time. I also know so have you and Jisoo.”

“Also,” Lisa adds, interrupting Jennie before she could say anything, “How long, how and when did you and Jisoo become a thing?” 

Jennie blushed immediately, even though she knew Lisa knew, it didn’t make her feel less awkward. Here is Lisa saying how she felt like she was cheating by just kissing Jisoo, and yet, Jennie and Jisoo have done more than that. “How we got together is something I can’t talk about, and I’m sorry. Well, to be honest, I can’t explain anything without Jisoo and her permission.” Jennie admitted, feeling guilty for how much Lisa had opened up but not being able to return the favour. 

“That’s okay,” Lisa reassured Jennie, “I mean I may be disappointed, but I get it. Tell us when you guys are ready.” 

“Of course, we will.” 

“And by us, I mean Chaeng, too. I know she was the last to realize her feelings and it may be a lot for her, especially with the nightmares, but she deserves to know. There is four of us in this and communication and honesty are the most important things here. I know this is kind of hypocritical given the situations we are all in at the moment, but when the time comes, I would really appreciate if we didn’t keep too much hidden.” 

Jennie nodded mutely, trying to absorb the words she had heard. It wasn’t that Jisoo and her weren’t going to tell Chaeyoung, they just didn’t know when the right time was. And if she was honest, then yes, her and Jisoo were thinking of waiting until Chaeyoung was a little bit more emotionally stable before they talked to her. They didn’t know if Chaeng would lash out, go into gay panic or worse, leave the group. Of course, they were just being paranoid, but they couldn’t help it. They were worried and didn’t want to put anymore stress on the girl who was clearly already struggling. Not that they didn’t see Lisa struggling, of course. Lisa had her battles, and when she was ready the two eldest knew the Maknae would go to one of them. 

“I’ll admit, Jisoo and I have been a bit apprehensive on talking to Rosie about everything, but we can do it. We just don’t want to spring too much on her. It was the same with you. We had thought about telling you a while back, but something was and still is bothering you.” 

Lisa closed her eyes, “there is.” She agreed, “but- Chaeng and I are talking about it. It’s something we’re going through together.” 

Jennie closed her mouth, not knowing what to say. The answer was so vague. What were they going through together? Are they dating? Fighting? 

“if you need a second opinion on anything, Jisoo and I are here. And we always will be.” She decided to say. She didn’t want to push or pry, wanting to give Lisa (and Chaeyoung, too?) the time they need. 

“thank you.” Lisa said, “can I hug you?” she asked. 

“I’ll give you something better.” Jennie smirked, “I’ll cuddle the shit out of you.”


	4. Chapter 4: of sleeping and panic

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> shit starts to get real. and as usual, in the name of better drama, it happens at night!!!  
> we learn more about Chaeyoung and Lisa's nightmares, and the beginning of more communication.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tw for talks of mental health, household/family problems (kinda emotional manipulation and abuse), struggles with self worth and self love...nightmares, do they count as a tw? i think so cause some people may have horrible nightmares, if so, i hope you find some time to relax and please don't drink too much caffeine!!! (i do that, and jeez it's not good.)
> 
> oh my dear god, guys. i'm so sorry i was gone for so long. i broke my damn laptop again, and it was being repaired. i only got it back a couple hours ago and i'm so happy that i can actually show you guys this chapter!!! i'm not very happy with how it went, even if it is an important chapter. 
> 
> also, @fiddle_stix thank you so much for your comment!! it made me feel very happy!! i saw it on my phone and i tried to reply soooooo many times but i couldn' cause ao3 sucks on mobile devices. i had actually made a youtube playlist for you to help you get to know blackpink better, but because i couldn't reply.... https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLHlUQ5XulXOfNKC-g1gDDQMPAPcorAdyO thats it tho!!! i would also HIGHLY reccomend their blackpink house!!!
> 
> and to everyone else who left kudos, comments and bookmarked- thank you!!!!!!!!

Most people enjoy sleeping. In fact, they look forward to the dreams that will accompany them in their slumber. Lisa and Chaeyoung did not share that sentiment. Both girls were lucky to have normal dreams, and even then, they weren’t the most incredible thing in the world. Both girl’s dreams were riddled with nightmares, their fears becoming real as they slept. It didn’t help that the two of them were incredibly lucid dreamers. Now, usually that meant they could in some way control what happens. But for some reason, (an unfortunate reason, if there was one) they couldn't do so when it came to these certain nightmares. 

Before their dreams started to tangle together, it wasn't too bad because it was a secret. No one knew what they were struggling with. They couldn't worry, nor did they know about the panic, the sobs or the sleepless nights that crept upon them when their fears wouldn't shake. But since they could feel everything together, listen and see the others fears, it was different. More anxiety, more stress as they tried to dance around the topics that followed them once they closed their eyes. It took months for them to have the courage to look the other in the eye and decide that fuck it, at least find some comfort in how they felt.

That didn't stop the dreams. It didn't stop the crying, the shaking or panic, but at least there was someone there when they woke up. Their connection was growing stronger, how, they did not know. But it was happening. 

The one night all the girls decide they should go to bed separately, is the night it hit's both girls like they were being stabbed. Dreams were dreams until they played with your fears, wove a tail so realistic and so fear inducing it left you quaking, and suddenly the world around you was black and white as you shook where you lay, staring up at the ceiling because _god, why the fuck is this happening._

_“Chaeyoung-ah!” Jennie yelled, waving as she attempted to get the younger girls attention. Chaeyoung whirled around and made eye contact with her Unnie._

_“Yah, is something wrong?” she asked, watching Jennie walk towards her until she was only a few steps away from the brown-haired girl. The hairs on her arm stood up, and the blood thumped in her ears._

_“Yeah,” Jennie spat. “You’re what’s wrong.”_

_Chaeyoung stumbled backwards, her mouth suddenly dry as she mumbled “w-what do you-“_

_“you know what I’m talking about.” Jennie replied pointedly, arching her eyebrow._

_“Unnie I’m -”_

_“Save it,” Jennie growled. “It isn’t normal.”_

_The dreamed changed, and suddenly it was Lisa sitting on the couch back in her house in Thailand. She was staring at her hands, looking away from her mom and dad’s blistering stares._

_“We need to fix this.” Her father spoke firmly, but anger was laced with it. Lisa did not need to face him to know how he looked. His eyes would be wide, eyes as dark as the devils with anger, but somehow, they would also show his disappointment. His shame._

_“I have been trying, father but-” She began, raising her head to look her father in the eye. Her previous idea was correct, staring back at her was what she described. Guilt flowed through her veins, mixing with her blood naturally. She’d been here before, but she had been stronger then. She was tired of fighting, of the exhaustion and the crying. It had begun to consume her, the more she fought the more exhausted she became. She was just to fucking tired of trying so hard but it not going anywhere. Her attempts felt useless, she felt useless. How was she supposed to support her bandmates’ if she could barely support herself?_

_“Well try harder!” he bellowed, and Lisa flinched before bowing her head in shame. I AM TRYING! She wanted to yell, I’ve been trying so hard, but papa I’m exhausted. I just wanna lie in bed and give up!_

_“of course, father.” She replied instead, biting her tongue to hold back the words she could reply with._

_Suddenly, Chaeyoung was sitting beside her, but they were now sitting in the meeting room of YG Entertainment. YG himself was sitting right in front of them, Jisoo and Jennie on each side and Chaeyoung and Lisa’s parents flanked behind them. Each pair of eyes trained on the two, glaring the girls into submission._

_“fix yourself, before you bring shame to the band and yourself.” YG himself yelled, standing up and banging his hand on the table._

_The others followed, yelling at the two girls until their voices meshed together, causing them to flinch and stand up, stumbling as they tried to reach the doorway, grabbing the other for support. Before they could reach for the door handle, Jennie and Jisoo were pulling them back and making a ‘tsk’ sound._

_“I cannot love two broken girls. Get. Fixed.” The bite in Jisoo’s voice caused them to once again flinch. They had never seen Jisoo so mean, her face hot with anger as she glowered at the two Maknae’s._

It may have been the fact that it was lashing rain, or that they all went to bed separately for the first time in a while. But when Lisa gasped for air at four AM, choking out Chaeyoung’s name, she stumbled out of bed in a haze. The floor was slippery as she flew down the hallway, nearly falling a few times as she ran to Rosie’s room. Her breathing was quick, rattling as if she had run a marathon. She failed to hear Jennie and Jisoo’s doors open in a hurry, she was too busy slamming into Chaeyoung’s door. Just as she reached for the handle, it was pulled open, showing Rosie. Her face was tear stricken and lips trembling before she grabbed onto Lisa’s shoulder and pulled the Maknae’s body into her, holding tight as she closed her eyes and breathed in and out. Lisa’s shoulders were heaving up and down as she gripped Chaeyoung’s shirt tightly, gasping for air. This time, she thought of yellow. The sun, Chaeyoung’s laugh, Jennie’s- no. she willed herself not to think of the other girls, not wanting another flood of tears to come. Instead, she pushed Chaeyoung backwards until they hit the bed and Lisa was straddling the elder girl, face in her neck. _It’s okay, we’re okay, we don’t need to be fixed,_ she kept whispering it through her sobs, feeling Chaeyoung strangle for air through her own breathless cries and pleas to _just be normal._

Lisa whimpered helplessly, “I wish I was normal, too. But I’m not.” She cried, gripping Chaeyoung’s waist. The words replayed in both girls’ head, 

_“Get. Fixed.”_

_“Broken.”_

Slowly, their breathing regulated, and they were now just listening to the other’s heartbeat, feeling the fabric beneath their hands. It helped stabilize them, grounding their thoughts because _surely, I’m not that broken if someone is holding me and making me feel loved_

“Lisa,” Chaeyoung whispered gently. “why do you keep saying you need to be fixed?” 

Lisa’s breath hitched as she murmured something quietly. She still hadn’t moved from her position on top of Chaeyoung, however her hands had moved and were now gripping each side of Chaeyoung’s pyjama shirt, fists curled around the fabric. Her left hand let go, moving underneath the shirt and could feel the heat Rosé exuded, pure, golden heat. Like her soul. In return, Rosé’s arms were around the girls back, linked together as if she was holding hands with herself. 

“Sometimes,” Lisa hesitated. “sometimes I don’t feel real, and the world around me doesn’t either. I can’t tell if I’m dreaming or not. The world feels fake, and nothing makes sense. And sadness comes in waves, like the ocean. Sometimes it’s as calm as can be and the next it’s drowning ships. I feel like I’m drowning because I can’t breathe, and I can’t feel anything but sadness, and sometimes I’ll stare at my hands and I won’t know if its real or not. If maybe, maybe it’s a dream and I’ll wake up, or it’s a living nightmare that I might not remember. Sometimes,” she dropped her voice to a whisper, “Sometimes I don’t feel anything at all and I think about how much easier it would be to be dead.” 

“usually it goes away, and I remember the three of you or one of you touch me and suddenly it melts away. Slowly, but it’s okay. Because I know that it’s real when I can feel your skin or hear someone’s heartbeat as they hug me. But sometimes, I fall, and I panic because when one of you guy’s trying to help me up I shut down and it’s like my every sense is being over-ridden. Everything’s too loud and I can feel my skin burn and become itchy where I’m being touched. My sense of smell is overwhelmed by whatever perfume you guys are wearing and I can’t breathe.” 

There was silence for a while, but Chaeyoung didn’t let go. In fact, she just held Lisa tighter as the words sunk in. Lisa took her time to recollect herself as she waited for the older girl to respond. 

“I love you.” Chaeyoung whispered, “I will love you always. When you can’t breathe, or things get too loud, I’ll be there. I’ll help you escape. When nothing feels real, let me hold you. If I can’t hold you, I will talk to you. I will insist that everything is as real as how we feel for one another. I will not give up on you, Lise. You don’t need to be fixed. You may need someone to talk to- a professional who can understand this better than I can. But you need to find ways to cope, not ways to be fixed.” 

“I can feel you holding back. Please don’t. Just cry, let me hold you right now. Don’t bottle those feelings up, okay?” Chaeyoung continued.

Admittedly, Lisa wasn’t used to being held. She was always the one holding Chaeyoung. Not that she didn’t like holding Rosé, because she did. However, being held was just as nice. And with that, the tears came back like tidal waves. She sobbed and sobbed, crying as she clung onto Chaeyoung like she was her lifeline. She barely noticed Chaeyoung moving her until the older girl was spooning her and cooing in her ear. She continues to cry, both in relief and in sadness. Chaeyoung’s voice stopped whispering in her ear, and she wondered if this was it. If she thought that Lisa was stupid, that she was broken and needed fixing had gotten through the other girls’ thoughts. But it didn’t, instead she felt someone curl into her other side and hug her tightly. She heard shuffling through her sniffles, and then a hand was holding one of her own just as tightly as Jennie was. They all whispered the same words, _you’re okay, you’re okay. Nothings’ wrong with you. I love you._

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Lisa woke up calmly, her breathing slow and easy while she moved her arms carelessly, searching for someone. She remembers the three girls all holding her, reassuring her, loving her. When she felt nothing but empty bed sheets, she opened her eyes and looked around the room. Her eyes caught sight of a note, 

_In the living room. We wanted you to sleep for a while x (:_

There was no name that signed it, but Lisa knew Jennie was the one who wrote it. Jennie’s writing was messy and sometimes difficult to read, but Lisa smiled. She put the note back on the bedside table and rolled off the mattress. She stretched quickly, stifling a yawn. Her mind buffered for a moment as she replayed the night before. And for once, she wasn’t completely afraid of facing the girls. _Hell,_ she thinks, _there are worse things than having people caring about you._ She knew now was the best time to talk about everything. They had no errands to run and they had some work to do. But there were a few video calls scheduled for later this evening. They had hours until then, though.

Walking down the hallway brought the memories back again, but she shook them off. This wasn’t the time to think about the night before, not yet. She didn’t want to breakdown before even talking to the girls.

The closer she got to the living room, she noticed how quiet it was. The TV wasn’t on, music wasn’t playing, and no-one is yelling at each other. Shocking. 

She entered the room carefully and paused mid step. The girls were sitting down, whispering quietly (and passionately. Jisoo’s hands were flying everywhere as she whisper yelled at Jennie.) 

“You guys are activating my fight or flight mode.” Lisa said. 

All three of the girl’s heads shot to her and gave her soft smiles. 

“you’re awake.” Jennie noted. 

“WHAT?” Lisa replied, acting shocked. “Why did no one TELL me!” 

“now this is activating MY fight or flight mode.” Jisoo butted in, giving Jennie a subtle glare. 

“Guys shut up because we need to talk.” Chaeyoung spoke up quickly. “We have a lot to talk about. We can’t leave anything out? This is serious shit.”

“You’re right,” Lisa agreed, moving to sit on the L shaped couch. 

“Okay, what should we talk about first?” 

“Last night.” Jisoo and Jennie replied together. 

“What was the stuff about the dreams? How did you guys know?” 

“Do you want to or?” Chaeyoung asked, looking at Lisa. 

“Uhm, I will, I guess.” Lisa replied. “I think it started about a year ago, more or less. It was weird. I was having nightmares pretty often, but so was Chaeyoung. I didn’t say anything because I wanted to focus on Chaeyoung- “

“idiot,” Jennie mumbled. 

“- but then something happened. My nightmares weren’t mine? It was like I was watching something happening, but it wasn’t me. I didn’t do anything at first, but then I realized that it wasn’t my dreams. They were Chaeng’s.” 

“Right,” Chaeyoung cut in. “Lisa didn’t know, but the same thing was happening to me. Her nightmares were… lets’ just say crazy. I knew they couldn’t be mine. I’m much too mellow for some crazy shit that went down- “ 

“Mellow?!?” Lisa asked incredulously, “oh, yes. I forgot about all those super calm dreams of you getting stranded on islands, being in locked rooms and not being able to get out, no one loving you or that one where for some reason you could talk to animals? And organized an animal rebellion?” Lisa snorted, “my bad.”

Jennie and Jisoo looked between the two girls who were suddenly glaring at each other. 

“do you want me to talk about yours?” Chaeyoung asked, feigning innocence. 

Lisa scowled, “No.” 

“Exactly,” Chaeyoung said, smirking. “Anyways, after we realized what was happening things got weird. We tried to avoid talking about it and couldn’t be alone much without, I don’t know, crying or something? It was like our emotions were heightened the more we didn’t talk about it.”

“Eventually,” Lisa continued. “We talked about it. We kinda developed these plans depending on what the dream was. If it was a regular dream it was no big deal, but the more serious it got the more measures we took. So, if it was Grade A, we would find each other, maybe drink some hot chocolate and just hold each other. However, last night, even though it wasn’t too extreme, seemed to have a large emotional toll on us.” 

“I think the reason for that is because of how much we’ve all been talking to each other about how we feel and what’s been affecting us lately.” Jisoo explained. 

“That makes sense, but my main wonder is how this started happening? It’s…well, it’s unheard of. ‘Soo and I tried to find any information, and there was nothing about it anywhere.” Jennie piped up. 

“Lisa and I have tried to figure it all out for a while. We wanted to know if we could fix it. But now, I’m kind of grateful for it.” 

“I agree,” Lisa nodded. “at first, the privacy I didn’t have was unnerving. It was like all my fears and fantasies were on display. But now that I feel secure with Chaeyoung knowing, it has become a blessing.” 

“Oh my god,” Jisoo yelped, realization dawning on her. “Chaeyoung, you’ve seen Lisa’s sex dreams??” 

Jennie burst out laughing, “holy shit! That’s amazing!”

Chaeyoung blushed, “Actually, when it first happened, we, let’s say, talked about it? And from then on, _those_ dreams I’ve never seen.”

“Yeah,” Lisa winced. “I was trying to stop Chaeyoung from seeing them because well…yeah. It worked, and besides, I know how to control my dreams sometimes. So, if that kind of thing did try to happen, I’d just change it.”

“I appreciated it. A lot.” Chaeyoung said, directing it at Lisa. 

Lisa blushed softly, “it was nothing.” 

“Right,” Jisoo nodded, not missing the love eyes the two younger girls shared with each other. “I think that may be what we should talk about next.” 

Chaeyoung and Jisoo gave each other a brief look.

“if this is about Chaeyoung and her possible asexuality, don’t bother. I already knew.” Jennie announced with a shrug. 

“I-I’m sorry? H-how?” Chaeyoung asked, stammering. 

“I have excellent queerdar. Too bad it took so long on myself.” Jennie replied, trying to make light of the situation.

“she does, though.” Lisa agreed. “she asked me if I was gay by talking to me about Hayley Kiyoko. But in hindsight I should have known it was a trap.”

“You make it sound like I tricked you into admitting your lesbianism!” Jennie laughed, “All I did was say ‘so you listen to Hayley Kiyoko?’ and then you nodded and made a headphone gesture with a wink!” 

Lisa huffed, “In my defence- “

“No,” Jisoo shook her head. “There is absolutely no defence for that.”

“wait, okay. Not that I don’t love talking about Lisa’s raging homosexuality, because I DO, but…what?” Chaeyoung asked. She was, as the teens say, shook.

Jennie hesitated, “Chaeng, the three of us know this is a delicate subject for you.”

“or for anyone.” Lisa butted in with. 

“right, for anyone. Asexuality isn’t very known, but it is valid.” Jennie continued.

“can I?” Jisoo asked, placing a hand on Chaeyoung’s knee. Rosie looked up and nodded, biting her lip. “Yesterday, Chaeyoung came to me and we talked about it. We did some research and I think that’s something she should explain.”

“Right,” Chaeyoung took a shaky breath. “Asexuality is different for everyone. Everyone has different opinions when it come’s to what they do or do not like when it comes to sex. For me, it’s well,” she covers her face with her hands. “I don’t think sex is something I want or could have. I understand that sex can be a really intimate experience- and that’s what I care about. Intimacy, a connection, emotion. And well I just…I just don’t like it. It makes me uncomfortable and-” Chaeyoung halts midsentence, trying to hold her tears at bay. 

“Hey,” Jisoo soothes, rubbing Chaeyoung’s back softly. “it’s okay, take your time.” 

“When I think about having sex, it doesn’t feel like something I would enjoy. Maybe for the intimacy that comes with it, yes. But not in the same way other people do. It just…I’d really just rather cuddle if I’m being honest.” She shrugged. 

“I love cuddling!” Lisa cheered. 

“We’ve noticed.” Jisoo deadpanned. 

“Hey! This is a two-way street! You guys can be just as affectionate.” Lisa pouted in response.

“Wait.” Chaeyoung said quickly. “We need to talk about what you said last night…” 

“Oh yeah,” Lisa laughed nervously. “It’s not that big of a deal really I’m fi- “

“Say it’s fine one more time and I swear to all the God’s in existence.” Jennie growled, crossing her arms sternly. 

“Did I say fine?” Lisa asked, swallowing her nerves. “I meant I’m fucking dead inside!” 

“That’s not any better, Lisa.” Jisoo whined. 

“Alright, shit.” Lisa mumbled, “To explain last night to you guy’s a bit more. Any questions?”

“I have about three billion?” Chaeyoung said, biting her lip. 

“Hit me.” Lisa grinned. Giggling softly when Jisoo echoed a “with your best shot!”

“Can you expand on the whole touching thing?” Chaeyoung asked, glaring at Jisoo for a second. Jisoo, in return, threw her arms up in the air, huffing.

“Yeah, I can try,” Lisa said. “Okay, so…sometimes when people hug me, or touch me in anyway it doesn’t feel good. It’s like it’s all too much and I start freaking out. My skin gets itchy as if it’s on fire, and I can’t breathe because I’m so overwhelmed. I can’t comprehend what’s happening quick enough and I can get confused easily. Everything get’s too loud and I can’t concentrate on too many things at the same time without it being too loud. When I mean really loud, I mean ear deafening.” 

“how do you try calm down and how can we help? Maybe some kind of hand signal?” Jennie asked, spouting ideas a mile a minute. In their line of business, things were loud, people touched you, you couldn’t always say no because god damnit someone will always judge you. And Jennie wanted Lisa to be okay, to cope, to feel better, to have people there to help her and reassure her that it’s okay. Plans whirled in her head, scenarios playing as she came up with fixers for each one rolling in her mind.

“When I’m trying to calm down, especially in public, I breathe in and out, counting to three and I try concentrate on one permanent fixture. Be it something on a wall like a painting, or someone’s voice. Sometimes touch is okay, so the contact help’s me ground myself. Other times, not so much. It can make things worse.” Lisa admitted. “As for how you guy’s can help? I guess, if it’s in public, if I…uhm, maybe if I tap you twice it means everything’s too loud and maybe we can go to the bathroom for me to calm down. If you guys are touching me and it doesn’t feel right, I’ll just tap you three times instead.” 

“We can do that.” Jisoo nodded instantly. Memorizing those words, hoping those taps would become second nature for her, not needing to remind herself but simply to feel and react like she was born for it.

“There’s a few other things we need to talk about.” Chaeyoung said. “I think we should start with Jisoo and Jennie Unnie’s relationship.”

At the mention of the word relationship, Jennie and Jisoo froze, shoulders tense as they looked at one another. They looked like they were arguing on what to say.

 _Tell them, bitch._ Jisoo looked like she was trying to say. 

_Why don’t you tell them?_ Jennie glared back. 

“Fine.” Jisoo huffed, turning her head away from Jennie. “Where do you guy’s want me to start?” 

“How about the beginning?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm lowkey emotional because 1) RED VELVET FOUR YEARS IM CRYING 2) LOONA DEBUT CAN YOU HEAR ME SCREAMING???? 3) STRAY KIDS COMEBACK WHAT THE FUCKETY FUCK IS UP KYLE IM SHOOK WOW 3) RED VELVET COMEBACK TEASER PHOTOS DEAR GOD I LOVE SO MANY INCREDIBLE PEOPLE I ONLY STAN LEGENDS HERE.
> 
> but for real, i can't wait for the comebacks and loona's debut!! i'm so excited. 
> 
> also, my heart cries everytime any member in blackpink posts about Lisa. i don't care if people think they're being dramatic i miss Lisa so fucking much okay.
> 
> Reveluv's if there are any, how fucked up are you about the teasers and the STUDIO VERSION OF ENGLISH BAD BOY??? 
> 
> Any Orbits??? how do you feel about Loona's debut!!! i'm so excited for the girls to debut!!! 
> 
> STAY!! (the official fandom name for stray kids ahhhhewhfhw) how shook are you guys about the fandom name??? 
> 
> i may end up bringing up different members of other bands in passing or possinly as part of the plot in some way!!! be it from twice, red velvet, bts, stray kids, loona etc....wow i stan so many icons.
> 
> i'm sorry this is so ling wow!!! i have so much to say!!


	5. Chapter 5: knowing and feeling

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the backstory of a tale of loving from the top of your head to the tip of your fingertips.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the dead sea- a sea with so much salt you can float on it.  
> call lily meaning- purity
> 
> uhh,, yikes its been a while again. it's so short and i'm so sorry yikesss. i changed some stuff up and had to fix some plot anf it took a while cause i;m so dang busy but yay!!! it's here. hope you like it!!!

_The day Jennie realized she was in love with Jisoo was the same day her dream came true. The best part about it was she was almost one hundred percent certain that Jisoo loved her back._

_Jennie had just finished recording their debut song, Boombayah when it happened. She was sitting on the couch talking to Lisa and Chaeyoung about anything that came to mind. her heart was steady, despite the circumstances and she allowed a smile to appear as she listened to Lisa and Chaeyoung talk giddily about their upcoming debut. Their dreams were coming true, and god was it worth it. The pain and the crying and the yelling, it all burned down to the moment the video would be released and she would be known. she would be known as Jennie of Blackpink. And even better, she was doing it with the girls she cared about deeply._

_Things had been strained between her and Jisoo for a while. Their relationship had gone from touching and touching to sexual tension they would never be able to resolve. She missed the feelings of satisfaction, the freedom, the release. And she knew Jisoo did, too. If their slipups meant anything. That was at the beginning, and they learnt from that. Every time they slipped up (which was pretty often in the beginning), there was a wall that was put up. They didn’t look, because if they did, they would touch. It was awkward, and eventually they had to move rooms with Lisa and Chaeyoung. Lisa and Jennie roomed while Chaeyoung and Jisoo did._

_That worked. The sexual tension was there, especially when there was dancing involved. But now that they were no longer going to bed together, there was no temptation for **more.** Maybe they shared a look, a smouldering, dark look of want that was trapped within their eyes but that was it. They’d walk down the hallways together, space between them and speak. They would speak and look and want and want and want but they would part ways. It was easy when each of the pair had a girl whom they were slowly falling for behind the door they opened to rest in. _

_Falling in love with Lisa was quick. To put it simply, Jennie’s only thought was how could you not? Waking up to Lisa’s quiet singing, her loving touches and teasing smile. It was too much not to love her. It was quick, and it was easy and that was it. She did not question her love, she simply recognized it and allowed her heart to beat the way it did. She didn’t try to stop it, why would she? There were worse things in the world than loving someone._

_Jennie had learnt to love the mornings a little more with Lisa and Chaeyoung. She had learnt to tolerate them when she woke up with Jisoo by her side, face pressed against her chest. With Lisa, she enjoyed the soft voice that she woke up to singing a sad song. Usually a sad song in the morning would bring someone down, but Lisa never failed to make her happy. Happy seemed to be all Jennie could feel. She saw trainees with their sunken eyes and grim smiles’, but she could no longer relate to it. At one point, maybe. But she was full of a love and energy she could not explain in any language she spoke. She could not articulate the words to explain how she felt for the girl whom she spent her nights and morning with. When dawn seeped into the world, fresh and rosy in light and atmosphere, she would feel it in her chest when Lisa would be singing into the hairbrush or humming if there was a toothbrush in her mouth instead. The doe eyes would connect with hers and she would be showered with love immediately. A wide smile would be all Jennie could see, the laughter bubbling in her chest and leaving her mouth made everything that little better._

_Waking up with Chaeyoung was a different story. Perhaps she’d wake up to the soft strumming of her guitar, a caress on her cheek, the hair being brushed off her face or the blanket being moved back into place because of course Chaeyoung had noticed Jennie shivering in her sleep. Of course, this kind and gentle woman with the convenient name of Roseanne, soft and graceful in meaning fits her for who she truly is. Everything was soft about loving Chaeyoung. There was the purity of loving Chaeyoung that overwhelmed Jennie in the best way possible. Her heart did not speed up like it did with Lisa, it slowed down. The quietness that spoke loudly allowed Jennie to ride the waves of the calming ocean. She floated atop it like the dead sea, but she did not feel dead. She was alive and floating above the water. She was not drowning. How could she with a calla lily by her side, smiling with a brightness that could give the sun a run for its money and a voice that could make goose bumps appear on your arms._

_So, when Jisoo comes to her one day and asks if they can hang out, one on one, a part of her knew what was going to happen next. So of course, she agreed, grabbed her jumper and off they went. It was awkward at first. They hadn’t spent too much time alone fearing what would happen if they did. Their hearts belonged to other girls and they would not dream of giving themselves to someone else they do not love like Chaeyoung and Lisa. But when Jisoo said something idiotic and Jennie teased her, it was okay. Jisoo just shoved her, they laughed, and it was back to before they had to separate._

_For the following hours in the coffee shop, it was quite peaceful. They caught up, talking about training and how they were feeling about their debut that they were hoping would truly happen. Then it went silent when the mention of bandmates came up. Until-_

_“I’m in love with Lisa and Chaeyoung.” Jennie blurted out quickly, shutting her eyes because_ **idiot, oh my god you fucked up. You really fucked up.**

****

****

_“oh my god,” Jisoo breathed out with wide eyes. “I’m in love with them, too.”_ ] 

_“Well, shit. What the-” Jennie groaned, shoving her head into her hands._

_“We’re a damn mess.” Jisoo laughed, trying to distil the tension. Thankfully, for some reason, both girls decided it was better to laugh at the situation rather than cry. Crying would equate to defeat. They did not feel defeated. They were not tired of loving, they wanted to love forever and ever if they could._

_They left it at that, but after what they deemed the coffee shop talk, there was the mutual understanding of how in love they were for their two best friends._

_\--------_

_It was no surprise that Jennie and Jisoo began to spend more one on one time together. They felt more comfortable together now that they were in love with the same people. (But not each other, oh, no.) The closer that they became, the easier touching became again. Not sex. But holding hands, hugging and lying on the bed or wherever with their bodies pressed together and their limbs entangled. It was easier, and it was nice. Nice. Jennie couldn’t seem to find any other word for it but that. Everything just felt so, so nice around Jisoo. She could never deny that. Being with Jisoo was like touching the sky or the stars. She felt powerful and like her dreams were coming true. Touching the untouchable, the cosmos, the universe. The unreachable. But Jisoo was never out of reach anymore. Not when they never let go of one another. There was a feeling there, under everything else but Jennie never bothered to listen to it. She decided to just be. To feel, and to be happy and content without searching for more._

_Perhaps they could have realized they loved each other earlier, but that wasn’t what the world had planned._

_So, Jennie realized she was in love with Jisoo when said girl sat beside her as she continued to talk to Rosie and Lisa and she felt complete. Like the last piece of her heart had reattached itself unknowingly. She stared at the girl for a moment, her eyes, her lips, her face. How she sat there quietly, close to Jennie and was subtly leaning against her as she paid attention to what Lisa and Chaeyoung were saying. Jennie was warm, her heart beating in her chest like a beautiful melody. Jisoo turned to her with a soft smile, eyes crinkling as she bit her lip and pressed her nose against Jennie’s shoulder for a few seconds and then returned to the conversation. And Jennie felt it. Felt the way Jisoo looked her in the eyes intensely. It stirred something deep inside until it clicked because God, not only was this the best thing that had ever happened to her, it was also incredibly dangerous._

_The same thing happened, but this time Jennie was the one who initiated it. Jennie was going to ask Jisoo if they could go out again. Maybe to the same Coffee shop. It was cheap and nice. Cheap being the key part seeing as being a trainee didn’t mean you had a lot of money._

_She stared at the door, knowing fully that this was it. Her heart will be seen for what it is in its fullest form for the first time._

_She knocked._

_“Just a sec!” she heard Jisoo yell out, before the door was opened clumsily. “hey! What’s up?”_

_“Do you wanna get some coffee?” Jennie asked, scuffling her feet in place, trying her best to hide her nerves._

********

********

_A look of realization filtered through the eldest girl’s quickly, and Jennie barely caught it. Jisoo knew, she knew and maybe she would should the door in Jennie’s face-_

_“Of course!” Jisoo replied with a grin, skipping to the closet and grabbing a jumper and her bag. “Let’s go.”_ ] 

\---------------

_The coffee shop hadn’t changed much. It still held the same atmosphere as last time. It buzzed in a quiet sense of hurry. There was movement, but it was either too fast or too slow. They took their seats, a coffee in hand and Jennie allowed the bitter taste to take over. Coffee was something she would have to get used to. The sharp tinge it left on her taste-buds mixed with the burning feeling against the back of her throat before she swallowed. The smell of coffee was better than how it tasted._

_Her lips parted after another sip before sighing. “I- do you know what I want to say?” Jennie asked quietly, staring at Jisoo’s hands._

_“I think so.” Jisoo replied simply. “Your love for me, I cannot explain it. I can see it, I can feel it. And I return it.”_

_Jennie’s eyes snapped up, staring right into Jisoo’s. They were tender, soft and loving. She didn’t know how she didn’t notice it before. Perhaps she was too busy looking for something else to notice, but she found this. This love that seemed to seep from Jisoo’s eyes and the warmth it caused in the pit of Jennie’s stomach was perfect. Perfect, perfect, perfect. Everything about this girl was perfectly crafted to create an aura of soft power, a hidden strength that oozed from her words of kindness and support. Her eyes which said the words she could not speak, the lyrics she could not write. Love, love, love. Her heart beat sang the only word she could describe in the moment, speeding up as it echoed in her mind._

_“I-” Jennie paused, “I love you, but I love Chaeyoung and Lisa, too.”_

_Jisoo only hummed in response, “I know. It’s not that hard to tell because I feel the same.”_

_There was silence, the sounds of the café taking over as they pondered the words spoken. It was brief, but it was enough. Neither had felt the need to run about the subject, to play with words or create a metaphor. It was simple. They loved each other like a poet loved their words, or a painter loved their paintbrushes. It seemed to make sense._

_“We have to be careful, you know that right?” Jennie said, breaking the silence._

_Jisoo nodded in response, “We have a lot more to talk about.”_

_“We do. But first, let’s make this a date?” Jennie proposed._

_“I’d love nothing more.” Jisoo winked, holding up her coffee cup which Jennie clinked hers with._

_“How’s the coffee?” Jisoo asked, setting hers down on the table._

_“perfectly bitter.” Jennie replied. Just like this moment, she added in her head. Just like this moment._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> follow me on twitter @godjihyoee


	7. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> whew, they talk (and tease) afterall, its in their nature.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> uh hello lol. yeet its been a while *fingerguns* fairly sure this is my last chapter for it, cause you know. im terrible at updating but yeet im here. enjoy my shittu chapter! thanks for the kudos and all that jazz x

Their story ended with silence. Both Lisa and Rosé sat and listened respectfully, nodding at the appropriate times as they listened to the story being told. They had their suspicions. It wasn’t obvious to most people, how they treated each other. It was gay, yes. But most people didn’t bat an eye at that shit. Skin-ship for women was normal, they touched each other but were, of course, still hetero’s. Lisa and Chaeyoung believed differently. What they saw was sometimes a little much. Plus, Lisa may be an idiot, and Chaeyoung clueless, but they’re not dumb. 

“You know...” Lisa drawled, “Chaeng and I aren’t dumb. We suspected something.” 

Rosé nodded in agreement, “We just didn’t think it was that.”

“We never said you were!” Jennie said in defence, “we knew you knew, but we didn’t say anything.” 

“In hindsight…we probably should’ve.” Jisoo piped in with. “We’re sorry we just weren’t ready yet.” 

“Until today, it seems” Lisa remarked. “Were you guys gonna tell us soon, or?” 

Jennie sighed, “we were going to tell you when we thought you guys’ were ready…now didn’t seem like the right time. The nightmares you guys were having, I don’t know. We just-"

“We didn’t want to overwhelm you guys while you were already struggling.” Jisoo interrupted softly. 

“A problem shared is a problem halved, though.” Chaeyoung replied with, a silent protest. 

“W-we know. We should’ve told you, but we did now!” Jennie responded, a tone of resignation admitting silent defeat at their misguided reason for keeping their relationship a secret. 

The atmosphere was slightly tense, all the girls pausing to collect their thoughts, to screw their heads back on and attempt to understand everything that just occurred. It was always clear that their feelings were shared and mutual. They didn’t have to say it aloud but now that they had, the tiny spark of doubt could never be ignited. The opposite had occurred. Hearing each other admit to how they felt, bearing the heaviness of loving three other women in secret, and then revealing it was powerful. Even life changing. They weren’t sure what to do, how it would work, but they were adamant on trying their damn best. 

“What do we do?” Rosé asked quietly into the silence. 

"For once, I don't know." Jennie replied softly. She looked down at her lap, biting her lip gently. Nothing had truly prepared her for this moment. Of course, she thought about it often, creating scenarios of what would occur, both good and bad. Mainly good, though. Their love was unconventional, seen as impossible and even illegal. But Jennie couldn't help herself. Truly, it was inscrutable to think of her life without these girls around her. The days would have passed slowly…day and night being indistinguishable from another as time ran away from her, nothing for her to hold on to, to remember. She would not know the way the girl’s laughed, the memory of their pouts and whines etched into her brain would not existent in an unfortunate alternate version of herself. She would have deemed herself greatly unlucky (and perhaps unhappy) if she had not shared her blood, sweat and tears with the girls before her. Having let them see behind her eyes, look into who she was, is, and will be going forward. She couldn’t even begin to comprehend what life would be like without them. It wasn’t an option. 

“I want this to work.” Jisoo said with a lilt to her voice. She seemed to have shrunk into herself, trapping everything burdensome within her every breath. The sun had dawned, yet her thoughts were still dark. A flurry of worries and wishes crossed her mind like a busy New York street. There was no slower, it seemed, except full speed. Her hands wrung together, contrasting strikingly with the softness of her features. Everything delicate about her was visible. The jagged pieces within her were well sealed with a laugh and smile, practised to precision. She knew what she wanted, she knew she wanted them- needed them. It was not a ‘maybe’, or a second thought. It was a fact, the full truth, and quite frankly, one of her only trustworthy thoughts to exist. 

“We all do.” Lisa responded affirmatively. There was no doubt within her that her love was certain. She used to doubt it, how she felt for them. She assumed it was because she spent her every moment, awake and asleep, with them. Ever since the day Chaeyoung appeared with a guitar on her back and they had jammed out until 5am, she knew things were changing. She didn’t think it would be this. But she wasn’t complaining. How could she? 

Rosé groaned. “God really thought it would be funny to make us all gay AND poly in South Korea, huh?”

“Could be worse…” Jennie began before Jisoo interrupted.

“Right! You could be straight!” Jisoo nodded. 

“THAT’S NOT WHAT I MEANT,” Jennie screeched, glaring at Jisoo.

Lisa cackled in the background, clapping her hands. Chaeyoung covered her face with her hands and groaned. “Just once. Can we have a normal conversation?” 

“Absolutely not, how dare you.” Jisoo responded quickly. 

“I hate you all. So much-” Jennie mumbled. “I’m getting a coffee. It’s been a long day.” She stood up, dusted off her hoodie and walked towards the kitchen. 

“It’s only 10am though?” Lisa called after her in confusion. 

“I know!” was Jennie’s only response before mumbling to herself, “I swear I’m in love with three children what the fuck did I sign up for. Should’ve joined JYPE or some shit. Maybe I could’ve been a member of twice and got more comebacks.” 

“WE CAN STILL HEAR YOU, BITCH.” Jisoo yelled. “we’re literally able to see you we live in a tiny apartment. And personally, i think you would make a great Red velvet member.” 

Jennie turned her head upwards, away from the cup she was taking from the cupboard. Looking straight into her girlfriend’s eye she said, “I wanted you to hear that.” 

Lisa grinned at Jennie’s response. She had definitely taught Jennie to be that rude to Jisoo. It was Lisa’s specialty. 

“I can see your grin, Lalisa. Take it off before I beat your ass.” Jisoo turned to her with a glare. 

“Sounds kinky but go off I guess.” 

Rosé groaned again, a terrible sound coming from the poor girl who, like always, was done with her groupmates shit. “Oh My God…I wanna leave Blackpink, sorry I’m a Loona member now.” 

“Finally. Maybe we’ll get some piece and quiet around here.” Jennie muttered into her mug, walking back to the living room. 

“Excuse me, I am SENSITIVE AUBREY. Jisoo, hit your girlfriend for me please.” Chaeyoung said. 

“She’s your girlfriend, too.” Jisoo replied with as she began to sit up, ready to attack the tiny girl beside her. All she earned was a glare in response and a quick death threat before she threw her arms up in exasperation. 

“I’m already regretting it.” Rosie teased back, shoving Lisa to get her attention. 

“What?” Lisa mumbled, shoving Rosé back. “Is this about the partition on the plane? I said I was sorry!” 

“Now that you mention it-” Chaeyoung began until Jennie and Jisoo, in unison, interrupted. 

“Oh my God shut up about the fucking partition.” 

The two younger girls shut their mouths for as long as they- which was only a few seconds really and the nodded. 

“I hate this fucking family.”


End file.
